Monday, April 09, 2012

Article of the Week: 4/9 Periods 1 & 4

CAN men and women be friends? 
Reference the article when giving your opinion.

30 comments:

  1. Personally i believe in some cases men and woman CAN be just friends. In a way i belive society pushes friendshsips to become more in order to fit the social "norm". I remeber when i was younger I had a best friend who was a boy and everyone told us that we should "become a couple", at that time i had never looked at him in that way but everyones prying and constant perstering made it so i was beginning to look at him a different way each time i saw him. Every time we hung out it was always a little more awkward, we began to see different things about each other that we liked or disliked and in the end we gave into peer pressure and tried to make it work, but after a short while found that it wasnt right for either of us and we decided it was best to end our friendship because of the akward situation it had put us in. I belive that men and woman who start off as friends always have the intention of staying friends, i belive that society pushes them to become more. After reading the article and after seeing how much society has changed i am starting to belive that the gap between friendships and relationships is getting smaller and smaller.
    Jennifer Lassman P1

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  2. I do believe that man and woman can be friends, and only friends. However, I do think that in any heterosexual friendship, there is always the possibility of the man, woman, or both having some kind of attraction toward the other, or having some feelings that could be characterized as "liking beyond friendship." Because human nature has it that, in our teenage years especially, we will always be inclined to be sexual with another person, I feel that this "more than friends" feeling is inevitible. In the article, the author states, "But doesn’t the sex thing get in the way? At times, no doubt. It’s harder for the young, of course — all those hormones, and so many of your peers are unattached. " This is the quote that explains my point, and belief the best. I am in agreement with the author, as far as this quote goes. In conclusion, it is possible for men and women to be just friends, but there will always be the contemplation of your friend as being more than just a friend.
    Alex Gogliettino Per. 4

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  3. "A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?" by WILLIAM DERESIEWICZ takes multiple alternative perspectives of the relations between humans, specifically between that of male and female. While the article is solely opinion it is also imbedded with cultural ideals and progressions within society regarding the status of affiliation between man and woman. The question posed is whether men and women can be friends; however, there is no definitive answer. The answer lies in the interpretation of the association between men and women, and the definition that one may consign to the noun, "friend". The word friend, as defined by Webster's Encyclopedic Dictionary takes on the definition of a person who is on good terms with another. In analyzing Deresiewicz's article the usage of the adjective "platonic" adds another dimension to the simplicity of being a friend. Platonic, meaning free from sensual desire identifies a relationship that is purely an accompaniment with no sexual pretensions that may distract from purpose. The purpose of friendship between the sexes “was more or less unknown in traditional society". This old world society believed in procreation and strict adherence to marriage before intercourse. It is only when we stray from this traditional teaching, and explore the being of the "New Woman" that we are able to see the possibility of a purely platonic relationship. Nevertheless, the sexual tension is ever present between boys and girls, especially adolescents, who develop their mentality towards the opposite sex based upon relations and environmental influences. Personally, being raised in and growing up in a setting surrounded by the tedious interplay of relationships between male and female, I find it extremely difficult to defend an argument that sides in favor of the possibility of purely platonic relationships. I see the desire of our human condition to reproduce with and pass on his or her genes to the most fit or physically attractive being as too high of an obstacle to overcome. It can be said that relationships do rely heavily on physical acceptance of the partner and in looking at the situation from an entirely evolutionary view point, the partner one chooses to associate with is often one that is appealing or presumably healthy to his or her own schema. Therefore, in my opinion there will always be an underlying reason to maintain the relationship between man and woman whether the benefits are ideological or physical. The role of relationships in society has a focused epicenter on the direction of that bond towards the future found in the conclusion of marriage and child bearing. It is only when we diverge from this mainstream philosophy on the purpose of founding relationships that we can truly have an affiliation between male and female that lacks sexual tension.

    -Alexander Borkowski Period 1

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  4. In most cases, it is almost unheard of that a man and a woman are "just friends". Even in the media industry, we see this relationship is faulted by either the man or woman gaining feelings for one another. For example, Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached. As the article says, this is also evident within televsion shows such as Friends. Four of the main characters that begin as "friends" end in a sexual relationship. Women and men cannont be just friends is an idea planted in the minds of all of society. Although there is only one chromosome apart between men and woman, there is a world of differences between their outlooks on life. The author of this article brings in the point it is hard to be just friends with the opposite sex due to the issue of feminism over the years, however, I feel there is a much different reason. I believe we choose our freinds based upon first impression, and a person is more likely to make conversation with based on their appearence. This leads to platonic relationships between these "friends". For this reason, I feel it is almost impossible for men and women to be just friends.

    Tyler King
    Period 1

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  5. This article looks to show readers that our ideas, as humans and as members of one society have proven that a man and a woman can not really be just "friends". The author looks at this in multiple different angles, however she her self seems to believe that a man and a woman can not merely be friends. First, lets look at the history aspect that the author depicts in her story. I will agree with her that before the 1860 a relationship with a man and a woman was simply taboo, because if that man or woman was married it would often give people the wrong idea that maybe something else was going on. Then in the times of Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Staton, their push for womens rights changed not only the politcial playing field for women, but also the cultural role women played in society. At this point, many aspects of life began to turn around almost to the point where women and men were equal to each other. So culturally speaking, if men and women have the same rights as each other, why can't they also have the same roles in society. It has arrived at the point where there are women CEOs, attortneys, and doctors. Why cant woman also be "friends". In this article the author states just how much the sexes have been mixed in with one another, how now most work places are CO-ED and even some schooling has CO-ED housing. If you think about how someone becomes a friend, it is usually quite simple. Often times it comes down to the people you are spending the most time with and the people that you see everyday in your day to day life. We have just learned that in the past century, women have evolved into a bigger part of society than they were just a century ago. So now, lets being with the essential question, can a relationship be platonic, yet can you still be friends. Answer, yes. Although in todays world we often portrey relationships between a man and a woman as sexual, it doesnt always have to be like that. It is only human instinct to be sexually attracted to the other sex. And that is often what makes the relationships so difficult, but just because something may be difficult in comparison with the easy way out, does it mean we should do it. Answer, no. If we did, where would be today. The main idea that I am trying to say is that although these relationships are hard, with a little resistance to natural feelings can often prove to make an opposite sex relationship one of the best ones you can possibly have.

    Edgar Ortiz
    Period 1

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  6. The article "A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?" by William Deresiewicz discusses and anaylzes whether or not a man and a woman can have platonic relationship, or does the relationship always end up sexually. In most cases it usually ends up that two people of opposite sex cannot have a platonic relationship. I believe its just human nature and our animal instinct to be attracted to the opposite sex in a strong way. In most cases, that is the outcome. In todays society it is common to think that a man and woman cannot have a platonic relationships. The article also references how the media commonly suggests that people of the opposite sex cannot only be "just friends" with televison shows like "Friends", where a couple people just start out as friends, but in the end they end up having sexual relationships, and movies like "Friends with benefits" and "No strings attached" also show that. My personal opinion is that a man and woman can be just friends for a while, but eventually that will lead to stronger feelings and possib;y a sexual relationship. Its something we cant help, its instinctual to be attracted to the opposite sex.


    JOhn A p1

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  7. In my opinion, i think men and women cant be just friends. Eventually something more will grow out of their relationship as being just friends. As the author said in the article,
    "Heterosexual people of the opposite sex may claim to be just friends, the message goes, but count on it — wink, wink, nudge, nudge — something more’s going on," I agree with that, being just friends usually ends up with you having a sexual relationship with the opposite sex. In most cases, men and women can not have a platonic relationship and it usually ends up being sexual. I think some men and women can be just friends but in most cases it turns into a sexual relationship.

    Erica Celentano
    Period 4

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  8. In the article "A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?" by William Deresiewicz says how men and women cannot be just friends. I disagree, I believe that men and woman can just be friends and can have a purely platonic relationship. Using "Friends" as an example in this article I think did not work. This is because "Friends" is a show written to how they want each character to act,if they wanted Rachel and Ross to just be friends they could have made it that way. Although, there is one reason why I believe that a man and a woman could turn into something more than just friends. This would be if they talked everyday and hung out all the time. In that case something could happen and it wouldnt be their fault. Other than that I believe that a man and a woman can absoultly just be friends.

    Kathryn Collins
    Period 4

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  9. This article by William Dersiewicz entitled "A man. A Woman. Just Friends?" reveals to us the flaw with today's popular culture. Dersiewicz argues that the reason we believe members of the opposite sex cannot be platonic friends are all related to the media. He references "When Harry Meets Sally" and the popular TV show "Friends" as all instances where being just friends didn't work out. I find it more of a testament to the exaggeration of cinema then a life-lesson. No one wants to watch a movie about a girl and a guy who are just friends and support it each other. Even if that is true in real life. There are countless relationship where both sides are in a mutual, unspoken agreement that they are just friends. And it is better that way. In the past it is understandable to believe that friendship between a man and woman was something more. However with woman's rising equality in the world, a man talking to a woman is just two equals collaborating on any number of things. Just as two men talking is. As the other concludes the "love" between two friends is there. It just isn't the type of love that "ends in bed". As our generation ages, the world will become more accustomed to different types of love- be it heterosexual, homosexual, family, friendship, or others- and as such the world will be a better place. When one can love everyone in a different way than a lover, yet not be burdened by society's constraints that their love is more than what they say, then a man and a woman can be publicly accepted as friends. Until then many friendly pairings will have to endure the public's opinion. After all it doesn't matter, you have something special with someone. Even if it isn't love in the typical sense, it is still a love and that is all that matter.

    Stephen Perrotti
    Period 4

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  10. I like this article. It brought up a lot of interesting points that are usually overlooked. One interesting thing that was brought to my attention was when the article talked about the feminist movement and how friendship and marriage began to be intertwined. It says, “But she did believe that friendship, “the most sublime of all affections,” should be the mainspring of marriage.” This idea is, in my opinion, an extremely widely believed idea these days. We see it depicted in movies all the time. For example, In “Valentine’s Day”, Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner are best friends who end up falling for each other. Another thing I found really interesting was when the article mentioned how, the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” began to appear in the 1890s. So commonplace now, I’ve never really thought about how much these terms say about the relationship between the two people. The article goes on to talk about how we understand friendship and romantic relationships but, “we have trouble with mentorship, the asymmetric love of master and apprentice, professor and student, guide and guided; we have trouble with comradeship, the bond that comes from shared, intense work; and we have trouble with friendship, at least of the intimate kind. When we imagine those relationships, we seem to have to sexualize them.” Something about these non-romantic relationships makes us uncomfortable, or maybe gives us the feeling something is missing. So we sexualize them. But in the end, this typically makes the situation even more confusing because so many more emotions are being brought to the table. Personally, some of my best friends are guys. There is something different about being friends with a guy than being friends with a girl but I definitely think platonic friendships are possible and even beneficial.
    Kaity Robbins
    Period 4

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  11. William Deresiewicz’s article questions whether or not men and women can have a relationship that is purely friendship with no sexual complications. Although we would all like to say that this is possible and highly prevalent today, in reality it’s just the opposite. In our society, we have TV shows like “Friends” in which many people start off as friends however, since there are both men and women present, over time things change. I agree with John when he says that most of the time the outcome of a friendship between a man and a woman is something more. I also feel that at first men and women start as friends with no intentions of anything else. Yet, it’s in our genetic makeup, and overtime biology will cause something to happen at least on one end of the friendship. Men and women can be friends but just for a short period of time, as things go on it will almost always become something more whether they want to admit it to others or not.
    Jessica Teulings
    Period 4

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  12. The article "A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?" discusses whether or not two people of the oppisite sex can have a relationship without sexual feelings. The article makes refrenses to changing times, the media's role, and personal experience. It seems that the author's bias plays a role in the article and I get the feeling that he believe's men and women cannot be friends. However, I personally think that it is possible. The author brings up examples of Tv shows and movies. And John A brings up the show friends and movies like "Friends with Benefits" and "No strings attached" however this media doesn't really depict at all what society is really like. You can't take these movies and shows litteraly because they're really not what life is like.
    There is another part of the article that I do agree with and that is that the answer changes over time. In the early 1800's men and women were seperated so long and then married so early that there wasn't any time for unsexual relationships. Now adays however, men and women work together all their lives and it isn't odd just be friends. In these changing times unsexual relationships are only becoming more common.

    Daniel Borrus P4

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  13. The major quesiton of the article "A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?" is Can women and men have a relationship just as friends and nothing more? My opinion is that it is rare when different sexes strictly stay just friends but it is possible. For the most part, it usually forms into something and is very hard to not form feelings for each other. This happens a lot in the media and throughout common tv shows and movies. I think that it mostly depends on how close you are with your "friend". When you become very close and spend a lot of time with one specific person you tend to start to form feelings for them

    Kayleen Kessler

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  14. The article, "A man. A Woman. Just Friends?" reveals a lot about men and women today. Although this is simply an opinionated article, I agree with it completely. Personal experiences and the media has led me to believe that men and women cannot be JUST friends. This is especially true during a man and womans teenage years. Growing up and hormones seem to get in the way of a normal relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Movies such as Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached have proven to many people that a male and female are not capable of being just friends. Although the friendships between the two start out strong, feelings always form and the friendship goes weak and a relationship begins.

    Kelly Smith
    Period 1

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  15. I think it depends upon the situations. Sometimes it’s possible for a man and woman only to have a platonic relationship. I had and still have many close guys as a friend with platonic relationship. They were very close friend to me closer than some girlfriends who only cared about themselves. But in other way traditions and culture tends to bond male and female in different place because they believe man and woman never can be only friends, eventually either they will end up falling in love or end up in bed like mentioned in the article. After reading the article I realized our society have excepted that female should be given equal rights like the man but now why are they hesitating to except that a male and female can be friends like the way one male can be friend to another male. Why is this fact unseen that by saying that the male and female can’t have a platonic relationship, they are questioning the ability of both the male and female’s emotion?

    Shila Rajbahak
    Per 1

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  16. I think a man and woman cannot be just friends. Coming from a girls perspective, I feel that most girls get attatched faster to people who they are close with. Leading a girl to start having feelings for a guy that she was/is just friends with. Boys seem to be a little bit more laid back. Also, you usually start to talk to someone based off of their physical appearance, and first impressions. Thus there is already a slight amount of attraction there. I do understand the point where the media has influenced us into think that you usually cant be just “friends” with the opposite sex, but I think that when you like someone you aren’t really keeping movies or anything like that in mind, you just like them. I think people fall for their close “friends” (of the opposite sex) because they are comfortable with them and they don’t want to have to get someone new in their lives who might not like some of their habits etc. Some people might just feel more comfortable with dating someone who already knows a lot about them and is already close with them.

    -aisha per1

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  17. I think men and women can be friends, but it just depends on the kind of friendship it is. If it’s a casual friendship, there might not be some sexual attraction. But if it’s a very close friendship, there’s a chance for something more to occur. As the article mentioned, it’s definitely harder when we’re young and have lots of hormones. It’s hard not to imagine our guy or girl friend as something more than that. It’s perfectly natural, but I think that in the end when we’re older, we can control our urges and have perfectly healthy, platonic relationships. Everything doesn’t always have to be purely sexual. In addition, we have to consider what we see in pop culture. A lot of shows and movies that center on a man and woman trying to be friends but end up getting together are what we often see. But is that really how it is in real life? Seeing these storylines constantly being played out warps our perceptions about what a man and woman friendship should be, which is always something sexual. I agree that sometimes men and women can’t be friends, but it’s not representative of all of society. It depends on a lot of things, and to just believe that those friendships can’t work out because of what we see on television, like on the show Friends, is a big mistake.

    Kelly Du
    Period 1

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  18. In my opinion, a man and a woman can definitely be friends. I have multiple guy friends and it works well with all of them. Friendship isn't about physical attraction. For example I do not pick my girl friends based on their appearance. So why is it so hard to believe that a person can not have a friend of the opposite sex purely because they enjoy their company, nothing hormonal about it. I have one friend who is a guy that I have known since I was a baby. We grew up together and have always been extremely close, but with a good friendship you reach a point where the idea of being something more becomes non existent. You see the person as family, and you would never be willing to jeopardize the friendship. This is not always the case, sometimes a friendship is something more. After all, every relationship starts as "just friends". But this doesn't mean every friendship results in more, sometimes it really is like sibling love.

    Chrissy Beaulac
    Period 4

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  19. Guys and girls can just be friends. I think that the problem is with popular culture. Sure, biology and hormones make keeping platonic relationships difficult because they can't be controlled, but like with STD's, you just need to prevent it from happening before it happens. First, let's face it: some people of the opposite sex are just really attractive in your eyes at first sight. Friends? Not the best candidates if you already have those ideas in the back of your mind (as the article put it, "wink, wink, nudge, nudge"). It may work out at first as you suppress those sexual feelings, but at some point, you may end up back at square 1.
    Then, there are people who you meet that are just friendly. You don't think anything of them and become friends. However, eventually it may get uncomfortable when people start to judge what they see. As the article put it, "Put a man and a woman together in a movie or a novel, and we expect the sparks to fly. Yet it isn’t just a narrative problem, or a Hollywood problem." Popular culture promotes the idea that men and women add up to romance when put together. This concept has become a part of our cultural expectation nowadays, and we form judgments based on them. They may feed in thoughts of a sexual relationship to the people involved, whether or not it is acceptable. Eventually the relationship may end either awkwardly or proceed to romance.
    In conclusion, I think it is possible to be in a platonic friendship with the opposite sex. You just have to make friends with the right people and not let judgments get to you.

    Sidney
    Period 1

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  20. Guys and girls can be friends and nothing more. Most people assume that there always has to be something going on between a guy and a girl, however most of the time that is not the case. This article argues that hormones cause is to be incapable of strictly having a friendship between a guy and a girl. One of my best friends is a guy and we are strictly friends, and it works out. This is article just brings up a stereotype that men and women have about guy and girl friendships

    -Ashley Murphy
    Period 4

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  21. I think that this article defiantly had a lot of good points that I agree with, but on the other side I do disagree with the statement men and women cannot be simply just friends. The reason we don't see men and women only being friends is because no one wants to watch a movie about a nice friendship. People want to watch movies or shows with love, drama, and tragedy. If women and men could not be friends only then wouldn't everyone cheat on everyone? However I do agree that as you become closer with someone and they become someone you share everything with and have strong feelings, because your such good friends, then it does make it a lot harder to only be friends. But I do think that some relationships can be purely platonic. There are times when you are not attracted to the person at all but you want to be friends, like a brother or sister almost.

    Emily McColl
    period four

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  22. I believe that men and women can have a platonic relationship. I
    consider myself a prime example of that. I have three "girlfriends" in which I do not indulge in sexual activity. However, it’s the article that says it best. The author recognized that "younger people, having grown up with the gay-rights movement and in many cases gone to colleges with co-ed dormitories, are open to a wider range of emotional possibility." Our country is evolving towards a more open-minded lifestyle. It is moments in our history, like the gay rights movement, that create more unconventional generations. We are creating our own traditions, rather than conforming to those of the past.

    Pompeo M.
    Per.4

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  23. This article raises interesting ideas, but I still believe that men and women can be just friends. I don't think that referring to movies to figure out what love should be is an efficient method of getting a point across. The article says, "Younger people, having grown up with the gay-rights movement and in many cases gone to colleges with co-ed dormitories, are open to a wider range of emotional possibility." I feel that the emotional possibility the article is referring to has always been here, and I agree that it is growing wider, but I still believe that people can just be friends. Although there are more people available, it doesn't mean that anyone is going to pursue someone else.

    Alessandra M.
    Per. 4

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  24. It is my belief that Women and Men can only be friends if they tried to have a relationship and had a mutual understanding that they shouldn’t be together, or both of them are married (to different people).
    It’s hard to be in a friend-relationship with another person of the opposite sex, because there will always be that question in the back on someone’s mind; that maybe that friend is “the one” for them.
    In fact, the whole idea of finding “the one” seems to be conditioned into Americans at birth; especially because in America we have freedom to find love without worrying about class systems or arranged marriages.
    There is also a lot of pressure to find that “one” because everybody wants to find their “soulmate” and go on to have that American Dream. This pressure comes from everywhere; from older family members who want to see grandchildren, to the media where every romantic comedy ends up in a backyard wedding. And because of this pressure people are always looking for that one person to marry, and most people find that person in their closest friends; and sometimes it works and others it doesn’t.
    It would be great for everyone to be friends without having to worry about gender, but there is always something that gets inbetween that friendship.
    Marisa Period 4

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  25. It is easy to say men and women can just be friends but at the same time the statement is not entirely true. Because at some point one of them are going to develop stronger feels for the other one unconsciously. I am not saying that they cannot just be friends. Like the article stated that it is hard for young people to just be friend because of their hormones but at the same time is something that is controllable, so some people may just use that as an excuse. Furthermore it all dependence on the in individual as the article stated, “For her, relationships with men, whether or not they involved sex, had to involve mental companionship, freedom of choice, equality and mutual respect.”The question is political and has a lot of things to put into consideration.
    sandrine amin
    period 4

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  26. It is easy to say men and women can just be friends but at the same time the statement is not entirely true. Because at some point one of them are going to develop stronger feels for the other one unconsciously. I am not saying that they cannot just be friends. Like the article stated that it is hard for young people to just be friend because of their hormones but at the same time is something that is controllable, so some people may just use that as an excuse. Furthermore it all dependence on the in individual as the article stated, “For her, relationships with men, whether or not they involved sex, had to involve mental companionship, freedom of choice, equality and mutual respect.”The question is political and has a lot of things to put into consideration.
    sandrine amin
    period 4

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  27. The article focuses on men and women not being able to have a platonic relationship. However, it seems a little bias to me. It seemed as if most of the ideas the article were based off came from movies or tv shows. Of course the majority of movies and tv don't portray platonic relationships. There is always some sexual tension or attraction between the people. The 'will they or won't they' drama that is so often seen in the media is really intriguing; but that doesn't mean it's necessarily true. In real life, men and women have non-sexual relationships all the time. Regardless of if one person is attracted to the other, many times it's just a thought and not something you would act on. In some cases, relationships do bloom from friendships, and those tend to be the strongest relationships. However, I don't think it's impossible for a man and a woman to just be friends and nothing more.

    nina period1

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